The Joy of His Life
by Gem588
Summary: River and Jayne discover that secret relationships can be fun...for a while. PostBDM. Some rough language. Sort of continuation of Charming Jayne
1. Nothing to See

**Disclaimer:** The wonderful characters and the good ship Serenity all belong to Joss Whedon, or Mutant Enemy, or Fox, or whoever actually owns them, and that person or entity is definitely not me. Written for amusement purposes only.

**Summary: **River and Jayne discover that secret relationships are fun – for a while. Rayne. Post BDM. Rated M for language.

**A/N:** Sort of a continuation of "Charming Jayne." So more fluff, then a little angst (as angsty as I can get), then… fluff! And strange wedding customs.

The Joy of His Life

Chapter One: Nothing To See

Jayne wondered if he'd done somethin' extra good in some other life, 'cause he'd surely misbehaved in this one. There weren't any other explanation for it, when he thought on River. He still couldn't believe his good fortune, sometimes, but it was true: River Tam was his girl, and he'd never been happier.

After she'd gotten him riled up enough to kiss her that once, it had become easier and easier to find opportunities to kiss her again. In the cargo hold, behind some carefully stacked up crates, up in the stowed mule, on the bridge, once in her bunk, and that time things had gone pretty far. Jayne liked remembering that time. They'd wander away after jobs, supposedly to shop or weapon up, and then meet in some quiet corner of that day's crappy little town and get lost in each other. At first it had been fun, stealing away to be with her, and not always for foolin' around, either. They actually talked: about weapons, and flying the black, and growin' up, and killin' reavers, and Kaylee and Simon getting' married, and how much they still missed Wash and the Shepherd. River even told him some of what she could remember about the Academy and the Blue Hands. Jayne made her giggle with stories of his misadventures before (and after) he joined up with the crew of Serenity. River astounded him with her intelligence, and she made learning things fun. Jayne laughed more with River than he had in his entire life.

Jayne was getting tired of sneakin' around, though, and he'd never been one to be able to hide his feelings. River seemed content with the way things were, but he wanted to spend more time with her. He wanted to be able to kiss her good morning or pull her into his lap for a snuggle after his chores was done. And there was no denying he wanted to sex her up, too, that was becoming a powerful need. Without actually saying it out loud, he knew that he wasn't gettin' inside River until their relationship was official. He questioned River again, and again: Did any one of them know? Suspect anything? And she would shake her head, just as mystified. That kind of insulted Jayne, like it never entered their minds that a young, beautiful girl like River could feel that way about someone like him, even though he could scarcely believe it himself.

They got bolder. Zoë caught them in the galley, actually embracing. River was about to open the last bottle of apple juice when Jayne had pounced. Jayne's arms were wrapped around River's waist from behind, his face buried into the crook of her neck.

"Grow up, Jayne, and just let her have the juice before she beats you senseless," Zoë advised with distracted impatience. She grabbed a bottle of chilled water and left.

Jayne and River, frozen in place, moved away from each other uneasily.

"Her grief makes her inattentive." River whispered in explanation.

And then there was Mal – _Mal_, of all people – who came around a corner unexpectedly when they were in the common area, supposedly gettin' ready for a job. Plain as day, he saw Jayne with his hands up River's skirt, caressing her soft, slim thigh, and headin' north.

"I think my little assassin can cinch her own knife sheath at this point, Jayne." The captain snapped tetchily as he strode by. "Don't forget the extra clips."

Jayne had moved away from River as if she were on fire. He searched her face.

River shook her head, confounded.

"Oh, come on. Not a smidge? Nothin'?"

"No!" she confirmed, the shock of the moment making her tremble.

"I'm startin' to get the feeling I could sex you up on the table, right next to a big pot a protein, and no one'd even notice!" Jayne complained, pulling her to him for a comforting hug.

The final straw was Kaylee. River and Jayne had been doing some hull repairs, and Jayne knew that being out in the black always excited River, which in turn excited him. After they were finished Jayne had taken the opportunity to get at his girl while she was only half-out of her space suit, likin' how she was kinda sweaty and her River-scent was intensified from being contained. He had her bent over his arm, the helmet slipping off the back of her head, his hands inside the suit, slinking over her dampened curves, and his mouth plastered to hers in dizzying soul kiss.

"Did it go okay? I forgot to give ya - _wo de ma_!" Kaylee squeaked. She dropped the tools she was holding with a clatter, a distressed expression on her face.

Finally, Jayne thought, shock, apprehension and satisfaction coursing through him. Someone's gonna find out about this thing between us. If Kaylee, gossipy, girly, romantical Kaylee, ready to see feelin's even where ain't none – if she don't catch on, I'm gonna go nuts.

"Lay her down! What happened? Ain't she breathin'?" Kaylees's arms slid underneath the younger girl, and barely kept River from slamming her head on the deck as Jayne nearly dumped her on the floor. River hit metal pretty hard, though, and had the wind knocked out of her. She lay there, immobile, struggling to get her breath back.

"Oh, god, Jayne, do that chest pressin' thing while I get Simon!" Kaylee scrambled back to her feet and starting running, yelling for the doc.

River's eyes popped open and she gave a wheezing gasp, looking frantically at Jayne.

"You okay?" he asked, helping her to sit up. River nodded, taking a few deep breaths. She sat half-in and half-out of the space suit, wearing only a thin t-shirt and a pair of skin-tight shorts. Despite the fact that he knew that Simon, Kaylee and probably everyone else on the gorram ship was running in this direction,Jayne still wanted to jump her bones.

"This is getting ridiculous." River muttered, frowning. "Are they morons?"

"I dunno, babe." Jayne crouched next to her. He stroked one finger across her delicate clavicle, needing to touch her skin. "Seems like it."

"Perhaps - we should just make our relationship known to them." River suggested reluctantly.

Hallelujah! Was Jayne's initial reaction. But River still didn't seem too happy about it. Jayne scratched his chin. He'd seen the look on River's face after Kaylee'd screamed. Didn't seem like she was ready. And not even he was looking forward to the shit fit that Simon was gonna throw.

"Uh, maybe we should think on that a bit."

River glanced away, her expression becoming withdrawn. Jayne could almost feel the chill in the air.

"Perhaps they are blind because there is nothing to see," she whispered woodenly.

"Huh?"

"The expense of spirit in a waste of shame is lust in action!" River burst out in her recitin' tone, her voice rising, her eyes closing as tiny tears leaked from the corners.

"What the hell does that mean?" he demanded. Jayne felt like someone had kicked him in the gut. Somethin' was goin' very wrong here. "Riv-"

"River!" Simon was the first through the hatch, medical bag swinging from his hand, Kaylee on his heels and Zoë right behind her. He seemed relieved to see his sister sitting up.

The doctor knelt by River swiftly, noticing her pallor, her tears, and the way she trembled. He took her wrist in one hand, two fingers going expertly to her pulse point.

He looked at Jayne curiously. "Kaylee told me you were attempting to resuscitate her. Did she actually lose consciousness? What happened?"

Jayne's eyes never left River's face, even though she had averted it from him, pressing her forehead against Simon's shoulder.

He shook his head slowly, his blue eyes honestly baffled. "I don't rightly know."

And just like that, it was over.


	2. Indisputable Evidence

Chapter Two - Indisputable Evidence

Nearly a week. Five long, miserable days Jayne waited for her to give him some kind of sign. He figured he could give her that much, until he couldn't wait no more, and he began to seek her out. But River'd gotten expert at avoiding him. She'd appear for meals, or to perform minute course corrections and check the instruments, but there wasn't too much actual flying to be done this deep in the black. River spent time locked in her bunk, or with Kaylee, Zoë and Inara in the shuttle, or the lord knew where. Now that Inara had finally gotten back from the Mother House on Sihnon, having put in her request for removal from the Companion's Guild, they were headed for Pacquin so that Kaylee and Simon could get married in relative style, with Kaylee's folks and family flying in from her home planet. The women spent a lot of time in there, talkin' and plannin'. Mal had pretty much moved in up there, too. Quite a party, Jayne would think resentfully, when he could hear their laughter floating down the catwalk and into his workout area.

He had no idea what he'd done. No idea why River had turned from him like this. The pain made him mad, and it made him stupid. He reverted back to the old Jayne, jumpin' on every strange thing she said, calling her _feng le_ and moonbrain and loonytunes and nutcase and other hi-larious terms. He never missed an opportunity to insult her, or disgust her, or jostle her chair as he passed, or snatch something just as she reached for it. And River accepted it all without retaliation, silent and passive, closed off from him. At night he would lay on his bunk and whisper apologies into the darkness, begging her forgiveness for every crass word and action. He wondered why she wasn't readin' him, why she didn't know how much he missed her. Maybe she did, and just didn't care, and that hurt worst of all. So it went on.

Zoë asked him if he'd been taking asshole pills.

Kaylee looked hurt all the time on behalf of her soon-to-be sister-in-law, imploring him repeatedly not to be so mean.

Mal warned him to lay off, tellin' him point blank that his patience with his hired gun was thin and gettin' thinner. He even suggested that it might be best if Jayne considered a change of venue when they went dirtside. Jayne could tell that it wasn't one of Mal's usual empty threats, either.

The sense of grudging respect 'tween him and the doc was at an end. Simon just smiled his contemptuous smile, and assured his worried betrothed that River could take of herself. Which they all knew she could, and wondered why she didn't. A good roundhouse kick to the choppers would be the best thing in the world for Jayne, it was generally agreed. Even Jayne thought so – a little physical pain might dull the other kind.

It was Inara who finally came to talk it out with him, surprisingly.

He was startled to see her approaching him at his makeshift work station in the cargo bay. Her hair was loose and straight around her shoulders, and she was wearing only the minimum of face paint. She looked pretty, but not Companiony-glamorous. She was trying to dress as much as she could like a member of the crew of Serenity, he realized. She was wearing a pair of green harem pants and a plain white blouse with tiny brass buttons down the front. Her little slippers were flat and had satin ribbons that tied around each ankle. River had once told him about those shoes. She had admired them, and Jayne had vowed to buy her a pair when they got to Pacquin, maybe in time to wear to the wedding. The memory revved up his anger and he looked at Inara with a distinctly unwelcoming expression.

"Yeah?" he asked brusquely.

"Hello, Jayne. And how are _you_?" Inara replied in her musical voice, smiling a little. She was always skilled at makin' him feel like an ignorant _pi gu_.

"What?" He didn't bother to hide his annoyance. He was making some modifications to an engine part with Kaylee's specifications and he had work to do. He adjusted the soldering tool in his hand restlessly.

"It's about River," she began, watching him carefully. "We've all noticed your increased antagonism toward her. Was there an incident?"

"An incident?" he echoed, unsure what she was getting at.

"Of the, er, butcher knife, or peach can variety?" Inara continued.

Oh.

"No." Jayne turned back to his work.

"It is easy for me to see that you are very angry, and that River is the focus of that anger. Won't you tell me why?" Inara asked, almost gently.

"I ain't angry," he denied, shrugging.

"Kaylee told me that while I was gone River took some fruit of yours without permission, and then attempted to make a pie with it. Are you still annoyed with her for that?" Inara probed, still studying him.

The mention of the cherry pie made a lump form in Jayne's throat, and he couldn't have replied if he wanted to. He'd eaten every bite. The pie had been terrible, but the thank-you kisses afterward had been delicious.

"Although River's mental state has improved greatly, she still struggles with social boundaries that you –" Inara paused, "most of us learn from modeling others. She may not have realized that her actions were a breach of social etiquette. If the pie was the genesis of this problem, I hope you can rise above such a small thing and at least attempt to be civil towards her."

Jayne shrugged again, not trusting himself to speak.

Inara sighed a little. "Well, I told Mal I would try." She started to walk away.

"Jayne?" she paused. "Have you tried to talking to River? Respectfully? She's really a very sweet girl. If you tell her what's bothering you, maybe the two of you can work this out on your own."

Duh, thought Jayne, hunching his shoulders. Hold her down for me, and you bet your ass she'll get an earful.

That night at dinner, a shitty dinner, too, concocted by Zoë, who really shoulda stuck to opening cans and sticking fire underneath 'em, Jayne watched River sitting almost directly across the table from him. Simon was closeted in the infirmary, researching something on the cortex, and had told them to go ahead and eat without him. River had taken her brother's place next to Kaylee, instead of her accustomed one next to Jayne. It looked like she was trying to put as much distance as she could between them, and the thought set Jayne's teeth on edge.

River was wan and listless, and her hair, which had been so beautiful when she'd been taking care of it, had returned to the tangled mop of the pre-Miranda days. She picked at her food with her chopsticks and kept her eyes on her plate.

She don't seem happy, he thought to himself. And I ain't happy, neither. Why are we like this? What happened? 'Maybe they're blind because there ain't nothing to see.' What the fuck did that mean? And then all that _fei wu_ about spirits in the waste and shame and lust that he didn't understand. 'Talk to her,' he repeated Inara's suggestion to himself with an inward sneer. Yeah, right. Practically the only time he saw her was at mealtimes. Exactly what was he s'posed to say to her in front of the whole damn crew?

The intensity of his gaze must have burned like a laser into the top of her head, because quite abruptly River looked up and straight at him. Her eyes were shimmering with suppressed tears, wide and miserable. Oh, hell. Oh, babe. Something roared to life inside of Jayne, something new and huge and incredibly powerful and tender at the same time. And just as suddenly, he understood.

Feeling like his blood was singing in his veins, Jayne shoved himself to his feet. One huge arm swung out and swept the plates and cups and crappy food to the floor. He ignored the startled screams and shouts and leaned over and hauled River out of her chair. He dragged her across the worn boards of the table on her knees, and then settled her in front of him, hands clamped around her upper arms.

"I get it, now. I get it! Lust in the dust, or whatever. You thought it was all about me sexin' you up on the sly. You know I'm a horse's ass, honey! Why didn't ya just say? Why'd ya put me through this? Both of us?" He yelled into her face, giving her a shake. She was staring at him, dumbfounded. He took a deep breath. "I want you, River. I love ya and I wanna be with ya, and I don't care what the hell any of them think." He bent his head and his lips claimed hers, almost sagging with relief as he felt her immediate and unconditional response. He couldn't hold her close enough, couldn't kiss her deeply enough. His heart pounded with almost painful joy. He let his hands wander wherever they wanted. If she needed him to put on a show, he was perfectly willin' to do that. River gave a trembling moan.

"Holy shit." He heard Mal's shocked voice. "What the hell did you say to him, 'Nara?"

"I didn't advise him to ravish River on the kitchen table, if that's what you're implying, Mal." Inara's cultured voice was amused.

"Gosh! I dreamed a it few times, but never thought it'd actually ever happen!" Kaylee was giggling and squealing. A thought came to her: "He's kissin' her on the mouth!"

"Don't they need to breathe?" Zoë asked curiously.

"Jayne! Take your tongue outta my pilot's mouth this instant!" Mal ordered. After a minute: "Gave it a shot."

"Good try, though, sir." Zoë applauded him.

"I think it would be a real smart idea for him to take his hand offa her ass, though. I don't wanna see that." Mal said in a slightly louder voice.

Jayne finally disengaged from River's lips, and tucked her head tenderly against his shoulder. "You still taste like cherries," he murmured for her ears alone. He raised his head and stared arrogantly at the assembled company. "You all see _that_?"


	3. She's a Young Thing

Chapter Three: She's a Young Thing…

River began laughing so hard he had to help her off the table. When she finally wobbled to her feet, Jayne pulled her close once again.

"All right?" He asked, stroking her hair behind her ears. She nodded up at him, her eyes shining. Jayne thought if he could see that look in her eyes on a daily basis for the rest of his life, he would die a happy man.

"You made your point, _bao bei_," she grinned. Jayne flushed with pleasure.

"_Bao bei_! Did you hear that?" Kaylee fawned. "Can you believe it? It's like something out of a circus."

Zoë looked at the mechanic as if she'd lost her mind.

"What?" Kaylee blinked. "They's cute."

"Cute…like the _circus_?" Zoë questioned. "Are you sure you don't mean _freak show_?"

"Now that the exhibition is over, are we gonna get an explanation here?" Mal demanded, leaning back in his chair. He was trying to hide it, but Jayne could see he was kinda amused. Appalled, but amused.

"I think I'm done talkin', Mal," Jayne smirked, sitting back down in his chair and pulling River into his lap.

"Enough of that. I've already seen things that are going to come back to haunt me later. Albatross, you sit down in your own chair." Mal frowned, and pointed very definitively to River's usual seat next to Jayne.

River winked at Jayne and slid off his lap to curl up in her chair. She reached out a hand to him, though, and he entwined his large fingers through her dainty ones.

"How long has this been going on?" Inara tilted her head curiously. She thought for a moment, and then answered her own question, laughing softly. "You made him pie."

"Wife pie," Zoë's chuckle had a sad little echo.

The women all shared a very feminine look, before the young pilot turned back to her man.

"I'm sorry, Jayne," River began, quietly. "Your physical desire was so overwhelming, it colored everything. I tried so hard to get your attention for so long, that when I succeeded, my confidence began to flag. I was afraid that I had imagined the other feelings, or emphasized them because that was what _I_ wanted. I'm a little, um, crackbrained, you know." She smiled at him little hesitantly.

Jayne gave a casual nod of consensus, earning a black look from Kaylee. He raised his eyebrows at her. Well, it was true.

"Then, when the others didn't seem to sense any connection between us, not even when presented with indisputable evidence, I was sure that I was manufacturing the level of regard that I felt from you."

"Indisputable evidence?" Mal caught on that. "Like what? Him being abusive to you constantly?"

"She straps her knife sheath to her ankle, Cap'n." River hinted, her eyes gleaming.

"Knife sheath…" Mal looked puzzled for a second, and then his face reddened.

"And no one fights over juice while they're givin' someone a hickey on their neck." Jayne grinned at Zoë.

"Oh." Zoë looked thoughtful. "Is that what that was?"

River and Jayne looked archly at Kaylee, who had her hand up to her mouth to contain her giggles. "I guess that wasn't mouth-to-mouth in the medical way." She could hardly talk for laughing. "I just never imagined you'd ever think on her like that, Jayne."

Mal and Zoë nodded.

"Thought you hated her," Mal offered his opinion.

"She used to be a nuisance to you, Jayne," Inara added.

Jayne stared. "You tellin' me you thought _I _would turn _her _down? You don't think I'm a mite too old for her? An'she's corebred, an' she's beautiful, an' the damned smartest and deadliest little _nü ren_ to ever walk the worlds? And you thought I wasn't interested?"

"You were defensive." Inara nodded. "I see this now. You hid your desire behind your anger and irritability."

"We are one. We…mesh." River smiled and held up their interlocking fingers as proof, squeezing his hand in recognition of his compliments.

"How old _are_ ya?" Kaylee asked Jayne unexpectedly. "River's nineteen now, but I don't think you's ever said how old you are."

Jayne looked at River. She suppressed a smile, probably 'cause she knew he was thinkin' a lying. Almost two decades was a lot of years 'tween a man and a woman.

"Thirty-seven," he confessed finally. "I ain't old." He paused. "Am I?" He looked to River.

"Most of the wealthiest men on Osiris are elderly. My parents would have encouraged me to contract with a man who was successful, established." River patted his hand reassuringly.

"Yeah, but I'm just old." Jayne grimaced self-consciously.

"But you're so _nan zi qui_ and _hua li_." River twinkled at him.

"Damn straight." Jayne agreed, bunching a bicep. Take a look at that, baby.

"All right. I can't listen to this no more." Mal stood up. "Do I take it we'll be havin' a double weddin' when we get to Pacquin?"

Huh? Jayne's head snapped around to stare at Mal. Weddin'? When they start thinkin' on weddin's? Things were takin' an ominous turn.

"Uh…" His plainly panicked eyes slid around to check out River's reaction. She was lookin' at him all indulgent-like, her mouth quirked in a reassuring smile. She'd certainly read his mind right that time.

"Captain, we haven't ev-" she began, clearly letting him off the hook.

And then Jayne realized he didn't wanna be off the hook. Ever. With one of those lightening moments of pure instinct, he squeezed her hand and rudely interrupted her: "Yeah, Mal. A double weddin' sounds mighty fine."

Kaylee started clapping, and even Zoë broke out a smile. Inara's expression was happy, but her eyes were a little hurt as she glanced at Mal.

River's look of shock was a treat. Jayne couldn't help but grin. He loved surprisin' her.

The shy smile that bloomed across her face was another delight.

"Mighty fine," she echoed breathlessly, and leaned over for a kiss. That was the icing on the cake. She was the sweetest gorram thing in the 'verse, he groaned inwardly. The sooner they got married, the sooner he could taste every inch of her.

"Oh, Christ, stop that. Fine. It's obvious that y'all haven't listened to one word I said about how things are gonna run on my boat. I can see I'm gonna have to be more proactive in my management style. Now someone, meanin' Jayne, clean this shit up-" Mal indicated the mess of food and dinnerware on the floor, "no offense, Zoë-"

"None taken, sir."

"-and let's get done what we gotta get done before the weddin's, plural. At least I ain't gonna hafta referee the playground fights 'tween Brutus and Olive Oyl here no more." He cocked a brow at the happy couple, and turned toward the door. "I got real things to do."

River's grip bit into Jayne's hand with sudden and unexpected pressure, and Jayne followed her anxious gaze to the doorway only a few seconds before Simon walked in.

Here we go, thought Jayne.

The eager smile that the doctor had for Kaylee faded as he took in the smashed crockery and drying globs of protein mixed with soggy vegetables at his feet, and the suddenly tense atmosphere. The next thing he saw was River and Jayne's linked hands, and he went very still.

Mal stopped next to Simon, and crossed his arms. "You know, I've been tryin' real hard to see the upside of this situation, and I think it just walked in." He blinked happily.

"Wish 'em joyful, doc. Your little sis and my big merc just went and got engaged." Mal gave a mocking smile, and stood back to watch the rest of the show.

&&&&&&&

**Chinese: **

_nan zi qui – _gorgeous

_hua li – _masculine


	4. And Cannot Leave Her Brother

Chapter Four: …And Cannot Leave Her Brother

"It crossed my mind that something was going on a few weeks ago," said Simon, too calmly. He looked everywhere but at the big, violent, hired gun, because if there was one hint of gloating anywhere on Jayne's face, Simon knew he would have to kill him. "After this past week I was sure I had imagined it."

"Simon, it's good." Kaylee came over to him and put her hand on his arm. "Jayne and River have worked it all out, and they's gonna get married. Right away. It'll be shiny." She petted him cautiously, as if she were soothing a high-strung animal.

"Shiny. Yes. Of course, this is the same man who spit his food out on the table in front of her this morning." Simon gave his stiff, polite smile. "My oh-so-very discriminating little sister, that is."

"He was angry at me, Simon. Like you are now. He threw food; you throw barbs. Which hurts more?" River hadn't moved from Jayne's side, and her hand tightened around his.

"You know what hurts, River? It hurts to see you throw even the smallest portion of your life away on a man that is unworthy of you."

"Only I can determine that." River responded gravely. She felt Jayne get to his feet, and hung onto him tenaciously. "Jayne…"

"S'okay, Riv." Jayne watched as Simon flinched at the familiarity. "I ain't gonna beat on him none. As a matter a fact, I should be apologizin'. It weren't right for us to get engaged like that, without my askin' yer brother permission for yer hand."

"I would not have given it." Simon stated coldly.

"Simon!" Kaylee protested, looking uncomfortable.

"Don't matter none. Still shoulda asked." Jayne shrugged.

Simon looked at River, clinging to Jayne's hand, and felt a lurch of nausea.

"Simon, no - !" River pleaded, holding out her free hand and cringing, as if to stop him from speaking.

"This is the way it's going to be." His voice was loud and hoarse as he cut her off. "I cannot condone this relationship. I cannot stand by and watch as that crude, stupid, treacherous man debauches my sister. When we get to Pacquin, I will be leaving Serenity. I can only hope River will have come to her senses by then, and leaves with me."

There was a deadly silence.

"What about me?" Kaylee asked softly. Her wide hazel eyes were wounded.

Simon turned to her, startled and puzzled.

"We're going to be married, Kaylee. Of course you'll be with me. Us."

"Now hold on a minute, there, doc-" All amusement had fled and Mal was truly pissed now. "Where do you think you're takin' my genius mechanic?"

"I'll be taking my _wife _to a civilized place, with civilized people." Simon said acidly. "I'm sure I can obtain a position at any medical facility."

"I think you got a position in my medical facility already," Mal countered belligerently.

Simon just stared at him. "I'm not an indentured servant, Captain, and I'm no longer a fugitive with a bounty for you to hold over my head. I've paid for my passage on this boat with blood _and _credits. You have no right to keep me here, should I choose to leave."

"You go. Kaylee stays." A muscle quirked in Mal's jaw. "We're as good as family."

"Women marry and leave their families every second of every hour of every day in this solar system, Mal. You don't own Kaylee. I don't own her, either." Simon shifted his ice-blue gaze to his fiancée. "Kaylee will decide herself what she wants."

"So this is what it boils down to…you and Kaylee on my boat, or Jayne and River?"

"I hope it doesn't come to that, Captain. I'd be willing to listen to reason…under certain conditions."

"Yeah?" Mal questioned unpleasantly. "Huh. I'm ponderin' what those might be."

"Must I elucidate?" Simon arched a brow.

"Go on and say it, ya pompous ass." Jayne growled. "You're 'bout to tell him that you and Kaylee'll stay if I leave Serenity."

"_Alone_." Simon specified.

"Simon, no." River choked out, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Every second of every hour of every day. She is the same as Kaylee."

"Don't throw my words back in my face, River. It's _not_ the same. You've been so damaged, so ill-used…you need time to heal, to come back to yourself. I've got to look out for your best interests. You're still a _teenager_. You haven't even had a chance to meet any other eligible men. A mercenary, River? A man with a first form education? What will you have in common in the long run? How long will that content you? What can he possibly give you?"

"Love." River sobbed, lifting Jayne's clenched fist and pressing it to her trembling lips.

"You don't know what love is, if you think the ape-man can provide it." Simon shook his head with slow disdain. "Maybe lust, or whatever version of filthy sex he can come up with."

River shook head back and forth violently, pressing the heel of her free hand to her forehead. "Not filthy."

"You better shut up now, or I'll hafta make you." Jayne promised in a dangerous voice. "'Cause you are definitely damaging her calm."

"I expected nothing less than threats from you, Cobb. That's all you are. Big muscles, tiny brain. All you can do is hurt people." Including River, his eyes accused.

"Well, I can certainly hurt _you_, iffen I had a mind to. But I ain't the one hurtin' and wreckin' the happiness of every person on this ship, doc. That's all you, and your gorram stiff neck, doin' that."

Simon gave a mocking smile. "Me? Nice try, Jayne. I believe that's called "mirroring" in psychological terms, when one tries to attribute their motives and the results of their actions to another individual. Surprisingly sophisticated for you, I must admit." He looked around to see if everyone else were enjoying this absurd moment as much as he.

The closed expressions on their faces confounded the doctor for a moment, and he began to feel very uncomfortable. He felt very hot around his head. They couldn't possibly agree with the troglodyte? He turned to Kaylee for the unconditional support he expected.

"He ain't wrong." Kaylee murmured slowly, her eyes shifting away. "You ain't even givin' 'em a chance."

After one second of fury-induced paralysis, Simon jerked his arm away and shook his head, laughing in stung disbelief. Kaylee's defection was like stab to the heart. He looked at her as if he loathed her. She couldn't be serious. Or was this another one of their cruel jokes?

"You can't possibly be supportive of this insanity? Inara? _Mal_?" He demanded, incredulous.

Mal's jaw was tight. "I ain't sayin' I like it much. But you didn't see…" he trailed off, lifting his shoulders in a "fuck it" gesture. "I want things to run smooth on my ride, doc. Seems like letting them two find some happiness will go a long way to makin' that happen, 'specially in a 'verse that's all too ready to bring down serious hurt without warnin'." Mal glanced at uneasily at Zoë, who was looking stonily in Simon's direction. "Maybe this ain't perfect, but it ain't the worst. Seems like you're the only one gonna have a problem with it."

Simon stood there for a moment, seething.

"Yes," he said finally, his voice clipped and chilly, "I am 'gonna have a problem.' I'm 'gonna have a problem' when my sister is in hysterics the first time her 'husband' is arrested for getting stinking drunk in a bar brawl and splitting open some poor bastard's head. Or watching her cry when he forgets to come back to the ship one night because he's too busy fornicating with some trollop up against a saloon wall. Or when I have to give her a smoother because the greedy mercenarydid some petty thieving on the wrong moon and is about to have one of his hands lopped off with a scimitar." His voice dripped sarcasm. "Am I wrong?"

There was a silence where everyone avoided everyone else's eyes. Jayne clenched his teeth, but he knew he couldn't say nothin'. He'd done some of those things, and worse. He couldn't look at River.

And then River spoke very clearly.

"Yes, Simon. You are."

Simon's expression turned bleak, and his mouth worked soundlessly for a second. Finally, he answered her, his voice raw.

"You don't know what you're doing, _mei mei_. And I will not watch this travesty unfold." He pivoted swiftly and left the room, his boot heels clicking sharply on the gratings.

River gave a convulsive sob, shook off Jayne's hand, and dashed after her brother. Jayne made a jerky moment toward her, and then stopped. Maybe, in spite of her defense, Simon's words had changed her mind about him.

Kaylee looked stricken, and heartbroken, until she burst into tears. She turned and ran in the opposite direction toward her bunk. Inara shot Mal a furious look as she went after the mechanic, which he did not appear to appreciate.

Mal turned and looked at Jayne, his face set in rigid lines, nostrils flaring.

"That went really well."


	5. Decisions To Make

Chapter Five: Decisions To Make

The kitchen was cleaned up, and there was conspicuous silence throughout most of the ship.

"I shoulda spaced you when I had the chance. I shoulda shot you in the head, put your corpse through one of the engines, and then spaced whatever was left." Mal brooded, sending the jug of Kaylee's homemade hooch sliding back across the table to Jayne.

"Would have been a mercy," Zoë agreed, sipping from her own glass.

Jayne grunted, takin' a swig. The alcohol burned like a motherfucker goin' down and that's just what he needed right now. The shit storm had actually been worse than he'd feared. And River had left him and run after Simon without a word or a backward glance. He wanted to be pissed at her for that, but he couldn't. He was too sick with fear to be angry at her. He didn't have no clue how this all was gonna turn out. He was hellfire mad at her manky-ass brother, though. That was an almost constant state of being.

"What are you gonna do?" Jayne wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking at Mal.

"What am I gonna do? What am _I_ gonna do? What are _you_ gonna do? You're the one started this _ni shi liu_."

"Things was altogether shiny 'til Dr. Tight Ass showed up," Jayne said wrathfully. "I just wanna…_shoot _him. Did you seem him makin' her cry?"

"Who, River or Kaylee?" Zoë asked dryly.

Jayne snarled inarticulately in response, feelin' guilty. Yeah, Simon had screwed things up with him an' River, but it was Kaylee stickin' up for him that had most likely sent her relationship with the doc into the shit can.

"You think River can talk any sense into Simon, sir?"

"Simon don't take well to correctin', if y'all hadn't noticed." Mal grimaced. "Romeo?" He crooked his finger at Jayne for the booze.

Jayne shoved it over roughly.

"I'm this close to killin' you, Jayne. Do not spill my engine wine."

"Looks like you got some decisions to make, Jayne." Zoë gazed at him steadily.

Jayne folded his arms and stared at nothin'. He already knew that. He already knew that no matter what River ended up doin', staying with him, or leaving with him, the Serenity family was humped. If Jayne and River stayed on the boat, Simon would force Kaylee to choose 'tween him and her beloved Serenity. And then Jayne would be the one responsible for sweet lil' Kaylee losin' either her man or her home. Or be responsible for losin' Serenity and Mal the best damned mechanic that ever was. And the best doc he'd ever seen. That was harder to admit. And iffen he left and took River with him, Mal and Zoë would lose pilot, merc, doc _and _mechanic. That was bad. Things had gone so wrong, so fast, it coulda been one of Mal's patented "plans."

"Look at that. _Now_ he starts thinkin'," Mal bitched irritably. "The ramifications finally comin' clear to you, Jayne?"

"Yeah." Anger and frustration burned in Jayne's blue eyes. "They are."

"Well, we dock at Pac SkyWharf in sixteen hours. I expect you're gonna have this whole situation worked out by then, right?" Mal eyes were hooded as he stared at the big merc.

"Or?" Jayne demanded hotly.

"Shot. Engine'd. Spaced." Mal ticked off three fingers.

"Fuck!" Jayne stood up and kicked his chair into the wall, splintering off two of the legs. "I'll be in my bunk." He stomped off.

Zoë raised her eyebrows at the violent exit.

Mal rubbed his eyes wearily. "That last line wasn't nearly as funny as it usually is."

&&&&&

Jayne lay in his bunk, arms folded behind his head, thinkin' on how much he was gonna miss. He was gonna miss Zoë's dry humor, an' Inara's gracefulness, and those good almond cookies she always got for the crew. He was gonna miss Kaylee's kindness, an' Mal's hard ass sense of honor and justice. He knew he wouldn't particularly miss Simon, although it sure was nice having a core-trained surgeon in residence when a body had a tendency to get shot up on a regular basis.

He was gonna miss mealtimes, with everyone gathered at the table, talkin'and laughin'. He was gonna miss the running gags, and in-jokes, and the knowledge that they had accomplished somethin' huge with Miranda, and lost somethin' huge when Wash and Book had died.

He was even gonna miss Mal's perpetually bungled jobs, and eatin' protein for weeks on end, and the strange smell in the hold whenever they landed on a humid planet.

And he was gonna miss River somethin' powerful. Her beautiful eyes, sometimes full of tactical warfare and sometimes full of fairy dreams. Her moony smile, and her strong, lithe body, 'specially when it was pressed against his. He would miss the way she would sing old folk songs, or lay on her stomach on the floor kicking her feet and drawing while he played his guitar. The way she took out that one _hun dan,_ who was trying to drag Zoe out the mule, by swinging off the rollbar and kickin' him right in the nuts. Now _that_ was amusin'. He was never gonna have anyone as smart and pretty and funny and lethal as her ever again. He was never gonna meet another girl like her, anywhere in the 'verse. He was never gonna kiss another woman and taste cherries. He was never gonna fall for anyone like that again.

Jayne's body shook uncontrollably for a moment as his grief found physical expression. His chest felt tight, like it was hard to breathe, and he broke out in a sweat. Good riddance, feelin's, he yelled silently at himself. Go on and get, now. Gotta get used to the fact that it's better for everyone if you just disappear. There's a gun-for-hire hangin' around every other corner on Pacquin. You ain't nothin' special. A month from now, they's all gonna be content again.

But what about us? His feelin's whined back.

Jayne closed his eyes and imagined a lifetime of misery like what he'd had over the last eight days. He swallowed, hard. He'd get over it, though. He was a big, tough, heartless man, who liked to drink and fight and score himself some trim. He still liked them things. A man could live a full life in the pursuit of all that, and never think on nothin' else. It could be done, and he was just the man to do it. He sat up, stripped down the blanket that hung from the wall to keep dust from his gun rack, and began to pack.


	6. His Light

**A/N:** Thanks to all for taking the time to review. I totally agree that Jayne doesn't get the respect he deserves – that's what we're here for: The Redeeming Jayne Cobb Society, one fic at a time. ::grin::

Simon is being a jerk, but he's got a guardian angel, doesn't he? A little Simon/Kaylee detour coming up. Only one chap and epilogue to go. I suppose I could have strung this kite out awhile, but I was too impatient to get to the HEA. Blinding speed, as a matter of fact! Thanks for reading! Gem

Chapter Six: His Light

River lay on Simon's bed, utterly drained from crying. Up in the dining room, when Simon's anger and bitterness had clawed into her like a grappling hook and dragged her from Jayne's side, she'd thought it would only be a matter of moments before she could make her brother understand. Simon always tried to understand. But she'd miscalculatedthis time... Simon had built walls in his mind, as high and thick and hard as a medieval prison on Earth-That-Was, and encased her within. Jayne was the mob in the courtyard, torches flaming.

She'd talked and talked for hours, but Simon wouldn't listen. He gave her arguments no validity. She was not in control of her own mind, and he was saving her from herself. Finally, the words had broken down and all she could do was sob, because she knew that it was her relationship with Jayne that was ripping the fragile fabric of Serenity's family to shreds. She knew that she was going to have to deeply hurt one of the men she loved. Guilt and need trapped her in stasis… to go to Jayne at this moment would be disastrous for them all.

River owed Simon her very life, but she also knew that Jayne was her future. She wanted Jayne. She wanted him so much she ached with it. They did mesh, as she had told the crew. They were dichotomy, reconciled. He had been her nemesis, her reluctant ally, her partner, her friend, and at last, her lover. Why could Simon not see the pattern?

Feverish thoughts ran wild through her head. The thoughts and emotions of the others were like a constant wind howling at the back of her consciousness, making her confused about what was real and what was not. And Simon, Simon kept talking to her in his mind, trying to make her see what he thought was reason. She wanted to scream at him to just shut up.

Simon sat on the edge of the mattress, exhausted from his arguments with River, disheartened by the way he had left things with Kaylee. His hands fell loosely between his knees. He felt numb. Why wouldn't River listen to him? Why was she being so stubborn? What could she possibly see in that lewd, crude, rude thug? Things had gone so wrong, so fast, it almost could have been one of Mal's patented "plans." He looked around vaguely, because someone had to be bleeding, and he was supposed to do something about that.

"He's made up his mind," River whispered, touching her hand to the wall. She could feel the vibrations of Jayne's pain and anger and defeat through every screw and metal plate of Serenity. The clarity of his feelings took her breath away.

Simon waited.

"He has given up. For me. For Mal, and for Kaylee." Fresh tears burned slowly down her raw cheeks. "For Serenity."

Simon set his jaw. "It's for the best, _mei mei_."

"For you." Her voice was so hushed Simon wasn't sure he hadn't imagined the soft accusation.

There was silence, until River spoke again, in a disconnected, far away voice.

"Poor Simon," she said, "still clinging to the pole on Jiangyin, waiting for the flames to rise."

Her words scored him on the inside, and he choked out in self-defense: "Clinging to _you_. I was clinging to _you_."

"I know." River said hollowly. "Martyr to the cause once more. You were willing to give up your own happiness, your own freedom, your own life, to cling to me." Without lifting her head from the pillow, her eyes flickered around to stare at him. "You still are."

Simon gazed back at her in shock.

"You are very heavy, Simon." River blinked tiredly.

"I'm sorry to be such a burden to you, River." He answered, just as quietly.

"Pride is your prison. _Fais ce que dois, advienne que pourra._ Like the wardens at the Bastille." She made a soft, hiccupy noise. "Jayne…" Her eyelids fluttered shut, and Simon realized she had fallen asleep. It might be more accurate to say that she was so worn out that she had simply lost consciousness. She looked so fragile right now…

Simon reached over and brushed a stray hair from River's tear-stained cheek. He realized, looking down at her huddled in the bed, that he hadn't seen her like this in a very long time. She'd moved to her new quarters with the crew almost six months ago, and other than giving her a powerful sedative for sleeping when she needed it and a neurotransmitter blocker to help her concentrate during the day, she was off all other medications.

She'd been bright, happy, and _well_, especially over the last three months or so. Simon wondered reluctantly if that had been Jayne's influence.

He remembered the time it had crossed his mind that there was something going on between them. They'd come back from a job, and Jayne had lent River one of his endless supply of firearms for the day. They'd climbed down from the mule, and River still had the rifle on a strap slung across her shoulder and around her waist. Jayne had stopped her with a hand on her wrist, and turned her to him. He had very calmly lifted the strap and weapon over her head, holding the rifle with one big hand as he eased the leather loop from under her arm with the other. Simon remembered the way River's hair had swished against Jayne's muscular forearm. Jayne's movements had been slow, purposeful, almost lazy. River had stood there, her eyes lifted to his, lips slightly parted. She had made no effort to assist him, or step away.

It had been such a mundane thing. The job was finished; Jayne was just taking back his property. They'd been surrounded by the rest of crew, all chattering away, ebullient about the successful caper. But to Simon, from his vantage point across the room, it had appeared that his sister and the big mercenary were in a world of their own, a little bubble of reality containing only Jayne and River, and throbbing with emotional tension. Mal had stepped over and slapped Jayne on the back with some comment, and the moment had been over as quickly as it had begun. Simon had blinked, and dismissed the notion as patently ridiculous.

Was it possible, Simon now considered for the first time, was it possible that what they felt for each other was _real_? He put his face in his hands and gave a discouraged groan.

"Simon?" The whisper came from outside the room, and he looked up hastily to see Kaylee's troubled face peeking through a crack in the door. She looked tired and pale, and he could see that her eyes were still a little swollen from crying.

"Kaylee..." Regret and relief threaded through his voice as he stepped around the door and closed it behind him with a soft click.

"Is she sleepin', or sick, or –" Kaylee didn't have much time to speak before Simon swept her into his arms. He pressed her up against the wall and kissed her longingly, begging her silently for forgiveness, wanting to bind her to him so tightly that she could never get away. Kaylee understood, she always did; she knew just what he needed, and gave back kiss for kiss.

They broke apart finally, breathing heavily, and Simon buried his face into the back of her soft, thick hair.

"I'm sorry, _bao bei_," he whispered. "Can you forgive me? You have every right to your feelings and opinions. I – I was just – so – River, and _Jayne_…"

"I know. I know it's hard, 'cause you and Jayne got a history. And truth be told, Jayne's done a lotta wrong in his life. Not many would trust 'im. But, you shoulda _seen_ 'em, Simon. River, laughing like that, and Jayne…I've known Jayne Cobb goin' on five years, and I ain't never seen that look on his face afore. He said he loved her, Simon. Jayne Cobb actually used the word love, and he weren't talkin' 'bout food or somethin' to kill someone with." Kaylee stroked the warm skin of his neck comfortingly.

Simon winced, and reminded himself that she was trying to help.

"Now, you gotta hear what I came to say…" she trailed off, and he could feel her tense up in his arms. "And you ain't gonna like it." She moved her hands to his shoulders and pushed him back far enough so that she could see his eyes. She took deep breath.

"You seem very determined." Simon commented in dismay.

"I am goin' to speak my piece. What you did in that dining room was just mean, Simon Tam, and kinda selfish, too."

"Selfish-?" He broke in, offended. He felt his resentment begin to rise again.

"It's all about what _you_ feel and what _you_ want, givin' out all them ultimatums. Seems like you don't really care 'bout what River wants. Or you think she's too still too _feng dian_ to decide for herself. But that don't make no sense, Simon, 'cause not two days ago you said she could take care of herself around Jayne. She can't be too cracked, then, huh?" Kaylee was on a roll and Simon didn't even bother to try and answer.

"Mal trusts her to fly his boat, and Jayne and Zoë trust her to cover their backs, and she knows Serenity almost as well as I do. I'd trust her with my girl anytime." Kaylee reached out a hand and stroked a bulwark lovingly, before directing her gaze at her fiancée. "You can't have it both ways, can ya? River's old enough to know what she wants. Seems like Jayne is what she wants, and jus' 'cause he don't fit the picture you have in your head of who's good enough to be with her, you threw that hissy fit. You keep sayin' it's 'cause you care about River. Well, that don't sound like carin' to me." She straightened her shoulders, looking at him defiantly. "Sounds like controllin'. Like what them _hun dan_s did to River at that Academy. They made all a her decisions for her, too, an' I'm sure they all thought they was doin' right."

Simon's face whitened, and suddenly all his anger drained away, leaving only pain and confusion. He looked away blankly, groping for a return to his moral certitude. He'd thought he'd known exactly where righteousness lay five minutes ago, and now he was floundering. He was lost, he realized, because she was right. Kaylee was absolutely correct. Why had he not understood when River had told him essentially the same thing? River was free; _he_ had freed her. She was free to make her own decisions, not only good ones, but completely repugnant, asinine, horribly wrongheaded ones. Simon began to suspect he'd just made a supreme ass of himself. Again. How many times did this make?

"Pride is my prison." He whispered, glancing at the door, thinking of River's words.

"You're a haughty man, Dr. Tam." Kaylee smiled. "But I love ya anyway."

"You really thought that my motivations were like those doctors at the Academy?" That did hurt. He looked at her searchingly.

Kaylee... Her pretty face was still slightly puffy, and she had a small smudge of engine grease on her jaw. She was wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt printed with butterflies and cover-alls drooping at the waist that had both seen better days. But she shone in the dreary dimness of the hall like a beacon to a gentler place. She had infinite compassion in her expression, and love, and the strength and wisdom of a generous heart. Simon decided that if River saw in Jayne one iota of what he saw in Kaylee, there was a chance, minute though it might be, that their relationship could be meaningful and good.

"That's one way to look at 'em," she smiled, ready to start crying again. "Others might say they was psychotically overprotective brother talk." She slipped her arms around his waist and gave him a hug.

"I'm not going to take you away from Serenity," Simon confessed. How could he have even contemplated it?

"I'm glad." Kaylee sighed. "So's we're still gonna get married on Pacquin tomorrow and go on a honeymoon and … everything?"

"And everything." Simon grinned. "Thank you, my love." He kissed her forehead gently.

"For what? Yellin' at ya?" She giggled.

"You didn't yell," he contradicted her firmly. "You illuminated the way."

Kaylee blushed shyly, and he could tell that she didn't quite understand the compliment. It didn't matter. It was the truth.

"And you're gonna let Jayne and River be?" Kaylee braved the question with hope in her eyes.

Simon gritted his teeth. He'd been putting off this thought for a few minutes, having had enough trouble accepting the fact that River was an autonomous individual.

"Ye-e-e-s," he dragged the word out in glum acquiescence.

"Gonna be happy for 'em?" Kaylee pushed on, wickedly.

"Ask me again on their silver anniversary."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**French:**_ Fais ce que dois, advienne que pourra – _Do your duty, come what may

**Chinese: **_feng dian_ – insane (adj.)


	7. The Joy of His Life

Chapter Seven: The Joy of His Life

Jayne had his oversized duffel and his big and small weapons cases stacked up by the bay doors. He could feel the sudden yaw and grav drop of the ship as Serenity hit atmo. Neither River nor Mal was as good as Wash at landin', so he couldn't tell who was flyin' the boat. He hadn't seen hide or hair of anyone, yet. He'd only come out of his bunk a few minutes ago, having packed, bagged up all the stuff on the walls of his room for the garbage recycle, and then fallen into a restless sleep. When he awakened he'd showered, 'cause ya never knew when that opportunity would come again, dressed, and just set, listening for the proximity alarm to go. But now they was on approach, would probably dock in less than fifteen minutes, and when that ramp folded down he would be outta there.

He reached into his leather jacket and patted the pockets of his huntin' vest for the stump of his cigar and his sunglasses. He thought that would be a good look for marching down the ramp: sunglasses on, cigar in his teeth, knives at his belt and ankle, lasered revolver in its pancake holster bunching under his left arm. Tough, weaponed up, ready for anything. Yeah.

He felt something lumpy in one of the front pockets and pulled out River's goggles. She'd asked him to hold 'em for her 'cause she kept misplacin' em and she never had no pockets in those big sweaters and filmy dresses she liked to wear. He told her to stuff 'em in her boot and she said that was revolting. So he'd held onto 'em.

Jayne's fingers clenched around the goggles so tightly that he thought the plastic would crack before he could force his hand to relax. He thought about keepin' em for one split second, so's he'd have something of hers with him, but then shook his head. She'd need 'em. She had to keep her eyes protected when she was out in the mule.

Probably best to make a clean break, anyway. He hung the goggles off a jagged hook on the wall, touching one finger to them almost reverently.

There was the slight, mechanical whine and jolt of the thrusters flipping down, and the distant roar of the extra burn as they began landfall. Almost done now, Jayne thought.

"Just gonna go?" Zoë was leaning against the railing of the catwalk. "No good-byes?"

"Naw." Jayne squinted up at her. Was Zoë wearin' a _dress_?

She nodded like she understood.

"Captain ever give you your cut from that last job?" she asked presently.

"Yup." He recalled how he'd teased River about his bigger cut. Everything's bigger about me, girlie, he remembered growling in her ear, making her giggle and slap his arm before she kissed him senseless. Jayne ground his teeth angrily. How long was it gonna take before he wasn't reminded a her every two minutes?

"Have you had anything to eat, Jayne?" Inara was standing on the stairs leading to her shuttle, back in full Companion regalia. She had a cloth sack in her hand.

He shook his head. One of the few times in his life he wasn't hungry.

Inara came down to the cargo bay, as graceful as ever, her shimmery jewelry jingling faintly. She handed him the sack and smiled. "I think this may be useful."

"Thanks, 'Nara," Jayne was truly surprised at the gesture. The sack was smallish, but pretty heavy. He wondered what kind of food was in there - maybe those high-density Alliance nutrient bars? Those would last him a long time if he didn't find work right away.

He and Inara rocked slightly as the ship came to rest in its berth at Pacquin wharf. She stood looking at him with a strange glint in her eye.

Well, this was all kinds of uncomfortable.

"Well," he mumbled. Jayne didn't say anything else, just shrugged and shoved the sack awkwardly half-in and half-out of his pocket. He walked back over to the hydraulic controls, waitin' for the sound of the main locks to disengage so the bay doors would open and he could punch the button and let the ramp down. He waited tensely, aware that the two women were both still standing there, watching him. What the hell was goin' on? Why wasn't anyone unlocking the doors? He was doin' what they all wanted, wasn't he? Just let it happen, he begged furiously.

He felt the skin on his neck begin to burn with embarrassment. So much for his grand exit. He felt extraordinary pressure to turn and say somethin', and he knew whatever it was, was gonna be stupid.

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. The locks of the big bay doors shot back. With a hissing draft of air and a grinding noise, they began to open.

Yes! Jayne smacked the red button with his leather-clad palm. He could hear the whirring sound of the ramp beginning to descend. While that was happening, he fished around for his cigar and sunglasses, and shoved them in place. He tugged on the inside edge of his half-gloves to tighten them as he moved back to the bay doors. He listened to the rising noise level of human and mechanical traffic outside, growin' louder as Serenity's systems continued to shut down. He could smell the dust and engine burn in the air, the food cooking in the nearby market stalls, and the stench of people. Just a few seconds more, and Jayne Cobb would be leavin' Serenity forever.

Jayne tightened his jaw and angled it forward jauntily, as if he hadn't a care in the world. He was doin' this for River, for Kaylee, for Mal and Zoë. Even Inara, 'cause if he'd taken River then Simon woulda taken Kaylee, and 'Nara woulda had to live with Mal being pissed off for a long time, and that would not have been fun. Just this one more time, he was gonna do right instead of wrong.

Jayne slung the duffel over his shoulder, and adjusted its bulky weight to the center of his back. He picked up the silver weapons cases, one in each hand. It was mid-morning on Pacquin, a sunny day. It would be a nice day for the weddin', if Kaylee and Simon made it up. He was pretty sure that once he was gone, they would.

Even behind his sunglasses, Jayne blinked at the glare. He moved forward as the ramp thudded onto the ground. He paused for a second. He wanted to let River know…that he hadn't been lyin'. He wanted her to know that he hoped she would be happy, someday. He wanted her to know that it was half-killin' him to walk down this ramp, knowin' that he was leavin' her forever. He wanted her to know that she had filled his life, his kinda pointless, mostly boring, selfish life, with unexpected joy.

"Love you," he said it under his breath, concentrating hard. She had to be readin' him from wherever she was. She had to be.

"I beg your pardon?" A man in a dusty black coat was standing at the end of the ramp, peering up at him. A shepherd, Jayne saw. "This is Serenity?"

Jayne drew back, startled.

"Uh, yeah," he confirmed.

"This is it!" The man called over his shoulder, and suddenly there was a stream of smiling people headin' toward the ramp. Jayne could see one guy was helpin' a little old lady that looked like a granny version of Kaylee.

"What the hell?" Jayne grumbled. Oh, yeah, the weddin'. Kaylee's folks musta taken up the idea of comin' to meet the ship. But what was the shepherd there for? Well, not his concern. He tightened his grip on his cases.

"I'm Shepherd Reese." The man in the black coat came slowly up the ramp. "I think I'm here on time, according to the wave I received. And you are –?"

"His name's Jayne Cobb, Shepherd." He heard Simon's voice behind him, and he froze in place. That was the last voice he expected to hear.

"Wait up, ya big, dumb reuben," he heard Mal call, and he knew that tone. Mal was mighty pleased with himself about something. Slowly, Jayne turned his head, and what he saw caused his head to spin.

Zoë had come down and Inara had come forward, and they were both grinning.

Mal, dressed in that shindig suit, with Kaylee on his arm, clad in a long, sweeping gown of cream-colored satin, with lots of feathery-type ruffles at the hem. Her hair was pulled back in some kind of shiny bun with a pretty jeweled thing attached to it. She had a bouquet of pale purple flowers, and she musta been wearing some kind of high heels, 'cause he had never seen her look so tall or elegant. She was grinning, and waving at her family behind him, almost quivering with excitement.

Simon was there, in one a his fancy core suits, his hair slicked back, and standing beside him, her hand placed so gracefully on top of his…

River. Her willowy curves were emphasized in a long, lilac-colored dress, one of Inara's, but cut down or somethin' so it fit her just right. The color did something to her eyes, made 'em look all warm and sparkly. She had some creamy silk flowers in her hand, and she was wearin' a thin circlet of gold and jewels around her forehead. Her hair was gathered at the crown of her head in some kinda loose ringlets, and she was looking at him as if he hung the stars. Kaylee looked like a princess, but River looked like a queen.

They were all staring at him expectantly, but for the moment he could only keep lookin' at River.

"He's speechless. Ain't that cute?" Mal's mouth was quivering with barely restrained hilarity.

"As a circus, sir," Zoë answered solemnly. Mal gave her a look.

"Well, Jayne?" The captain demanded finally. "You still interested in marryin' our little witch, or what?"

Jayne took a deep breath, and it felt like the first one he'd had in ages. He stripped off the sunglasses and spit the cigar stub off into the flattened and smoldering brush under the ship. So much for the tough killer-man look. The duffel and the weapons cases thudded onto the top of the ramp, and in three strides he was at her side.

He glanced at Simon, saw grim resignation there, and gave a relieved grin. It was gonna be all right. He shoulda known that his River could talk anybody into anything.

"Yeah, Mal, I'm interested," he nodded.

River smiled tremulously as Simon kissed her cheeks, one after the other, very formally, and shifted her hand to Jayne's. He shot Jayne a look that said plainly, "Hurt her and I _will _dissect you," and backed away to join Kaylee.

"I heard you," River stood on tiptoes to whisper into his ear. "I love you, too."

Jayne tightened his fingers around hers in a way that left her in no doubt that he intended to hold on for the rest of his life.

**-Fin-**

**Chinese: **

The standards:

_mei mei _– little sister/pretty little girl

_pi gu _– ass

_hun dan_ – bastard

_feng le – _crazy

_fei wu_ – garbage, rubbish

_bao bei_ – sweetheart

Gem's Inexpert and Muchly Messed-Up Mandarin:

_nü ren – _woman, female

_nan zi qui_ – gorgeous

_hua li – _masculine

_ni shi liu – _landslide; torrent of mud and stones

_feng dian _– insane (adj.)


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue

"You are familiar with this ritual?" River tilted her head in fascination, looking out at the frenetically gesticulating people on the dance floor.

Jayne glanced up from his piece of cake. It was real fluffy yellow cake, with white frostin', and this was his third piece. He'd eaten most of the word 'congratulations,' and was well on his way to eating through the hastily iced on 'River and Jayne.'

"Hmm? Hell, yeah. Everybody does the chicken dance at weddin's. S'traditional."

River appeared skeptical at this pronouncement. Certainly not on Osiris, her expression indicated.

"Simon is not enjoying himself," she bit her lip to keep from laughing.

That went without saying. Simon, looking mortified, was standing next to a bouncing Kaylee, half-heartedly trying to cluck and swivel with the Frye clan. Jayne _so_ wished he had a capture.

"You were hungry," River observed as Jayne finally plunked his fork down on his plate and pushed back from the table. He grinned a little, she sounded so wifely.

"Yeah – couldn't eat before. Never imagined I'd be getting sparkly wine and real beef and cake in the afternoon. Thought I was gonna hafta eat those rations 'Nara gave me all by my lonesome in some crappy inn." Jayne looked around the little banquet hall that had been booked long ago for Kaylee and Simon's reception. It was real nice, better than anything he could have afforded. There was something to be said about hornin' in on somebody else's wedding.

River began laughing softly.

"What?" He had to smile.

"Not rations."

"Whaddya mean?" Jayne frowned, reaching around the back of his chair to retrieve his leather jacket. He'd tucked his gun and holster into one sleeve and his knife and sheath in t'other, so he didn't want to lose sight of it. He found the bulky lump in the front pocket and pulled it out.

He untied the cloth string and looked inside. Ha! A little packet of those almond cookies in crinkly paper. Inara knew he liked 'em. He glanced up at River, still confused.

She leaned over and reached in to take out the cookies. Underneath, Jayne recognized a long range transponder, the small red indicator blinking faintly. What?

River smiled again.

"You're a very obstinate man, Jayne Cobb. Kaylee was the one who finally convinced Simon, but you are also very stubborn. Everyone else thought the double wedding would be such a fun surprise, but I was afraid you'd still be so angry, or still so full of misguided nobility, that you'd leave all the same. Zoë was going to put the beacon in your baggage, but you never left it unattended. So Inara came up with this plan."

Jayne whistled. "A lotta schemin' took place in those last coupla hours."

River whispered, "I wasn't going to lose you."

Jayne's heart felt like it was melting. His wife. She was his _wife_. He must have been a gorram _saint_ in that other life.

"You ain't never gonna lose me, _ying tao nü hai_."

Their kiss was another vow. Jayne was just gettin' real into it when they were rudely interrupted.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doin'?" Mal shouted, strutting up to them like the cockiest rooster in the henhouse, towing Inara in his wake. She was laughing so hard at his antics that tears were running down her cheeks. "Stop all that kissin'! This is a wedding! As your captain, I am orderin' you to _chicken dance_!"

**- Fin** -

**Chinese**:_ ying tao nü hai – _cherry girl

**A/N: **Simon…chicken dance…irresistible…

Thank you for sticking with the story! Gem


End file.
